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Should you hire a freelance editor?

January 14, 2016 0 Comments

Self-publishing a book is a lot of work. Doing it right is a lot more work than doing a book the “legitimate” i.e. traditional way. (I’ve done both.) It’s a lot more work than most writers are willing to do, in fact. It sucks. And sadly, a great deal of self-published authors don’t do the work they should be doing. The number of shoddy, poorly-written, error-filled hackfests on self-pub services are legion. Were they to develop a unified mind they’d form a giant cube and hassle the United Federation of Planets, but alas, they are mostly like me: dudes and ladies who don’t want to lift shit for a living. Which is fine, really. I do it, and by “it” I mean I don’t lift…
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Uncategorized, Writing

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10 things you could do with those Powerball winnings

January 12, 2016 2 Comments

The Powerball lottery is up to like $43.74 or something like that, a huge amount of money that is sure to ruin the life of anyone who wins it. Whoever wins is probably going to be dead within 10 years, absolutely miserable, will have their entire family ruined, and will raise another generation or two of entitled assholes. I bought five tickets. But this isn’t about me, it’s about YOU. It’s about the amazing things you can do if you win. Here are 10 great ideas: 1) You could buy every single kitten in the pet shop and give them to children in need or put them in the garbage disposal one by one. 2) You could set up a grant at your old elementary school that rewards…
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David Bowie was my first concert. Here’s what happened

January 11, 2016 0 Comments

David Bowie was my first concert. I was 16 years old. My girlfriend at the time, Candice, was an angry blonde with a gigantic pear-shaped ass and a tendency to pick fights with older guys, assuming that I would then step in and defend her honor, because of course she did. My father was going to drive us to the show, but two weeks prior he took his own life, so my step-mother drove us instead. The ride to the show was awkward. Candice and my step-mother didn’t get along very well. Nobody got along with Candice, really. But those two especially didn’t get along because my step-mother was racist, and Candice was Russian. (You had to be there.) We got pretty stoned before the…
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In which I yell at a cloud

January 8, 2016 0 Comments

Yes, I’m fine with my crummy old pay-as-you-go cell phone. To tell you the truth, I’d be fine even without that. I don’t need to text with you all day. You don’t need to reach me wherever I happen to be. Go away. I love video games. I have played them my entire life. But video game players are the worst people in the world. The second worst people in the world are Star Wars fans. Also, I am a huge Star Wars fan. Speaking of Star Wars, we went from the prequels, which would get you attacked if you dared suggest maybe they were only 99% suck instead of 100% suck, to The Force Awakens, for which you’ll get attacked if you say it’s…
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Rants, Uncategorized

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These Are the 5 Authors Who Made Me Want to Write

January 4, 2016 4 Comments

Writing begins with reading. There is a vague rule of thumb that good writers read. A lot. Granted, reading a lot doesn’t mean you’ll be able to write. It’s a start, though. And without question, the thirst with which I drank in books as a daydreaming kid, and later as an in-way-over-my-head young man, had a huge huge huge (three huges) impact on my later, and very ridiculous, decision to devote my life to writing. It led me to journalism and books and other stuff, and these days, it has me working as a freelance writer. Which is amazing and stupid and can barely buy me coffee in the morning, but it’s so worth it (and SHAMELESS you should totally write me at ericsanjuan@gmail.com and…
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Books & Authors, Uncategorized, Writing

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