Tag Archive: rants

5 Questions that should always be met with frothing incredulity

Look, if anyone asks you one of these questions, you ought to reconsider your relationship with them. Do you want butter on that corn muffin? Yes, of course I want butter on my goddamn corn muffin, do I look like a savage to you? This is so dumb I don’t even know where to start. Do you want cheese on your burger? The only people who should ever ask a question as stupid as this had better be people with fatal cheese allergies who just assume everyone else will die when they eat cheese, too, because CHEESE BELONGS ON EVERYTHING. Period. End of story. Another? Is that even a question? Of COURSE I want another! I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want another! Life is miserable! The future is…
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Why you should never write for the Huffington Post

Imagine for a moment that you want to hire chefs to prepare food at your chain of restaurants, but you don’t want to pay those chefs. You want them to volunteer.  And when asked why you believe that’s a valid way to do business, this is what you tell people: “If I was paying someone to cook something because I want to draw in customers, that’s not a real authentic way of cooking. When somebody cooks something for us, we know it’s real, we know they want to cook it. It’s not been forced or paid for. I think that’s something to be proud of.” You’d be laughed out of the room, and rightfully so. A few chefs might even be inclined to throat-punch you…
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Tech company founder’s rant on the homeless shows that he’s a giant asshole

Justin Keller, the founder of Commando.io, some tech company that I can’t be bothered to look into because screw this guy, recently ranted about the homeless in his neighborhood. But his rant wasn’t a plea to help them or a rant decrying the conditions that have made them homeless in the first place. No, it was a rant explaining why he doesn’t want to see those disgusting people. A quote: “I know people are frustrated about gentrification happening in the city, but the reality is, we live in a free market society. The wealthy working people have earned their right to live in the city. They went out, got an education, work hard, and earned it. I shouldn’t have to worry about being accosted. I…
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In which I yell at a cloud

Yes, I’m fine with my crummy old pay-as-you-go cell phone. To tell you the truth, I’d be fine even without that. I don’t need to text with you all day. You don’t need to reach me wherever I happen to be. Go away. I love video games. I have played them my entire life. But video game players are the worst people in the world. The second worst people in the world are Star Wars fans. Also, I am a huge Star Wars fan. Speaking of Star Wars, we went from the prequels, which would get you attacked if you dared suggest maybe they were only 99% suck instead of 100% suck, to The Force Awakens, for which you’ll get attacked if you say it’s…
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I’ve got to get the hell off Facebook

More and more these days, I’m finding myself reconsidering my relationship with Facebook. It has nothing to do with privacy issues (though they are quite real), Facebook’s sketchy business practices (ditto), or a desire to have a smaller Internet footprint (as an author, I actually need a larger Internet footprint). It’s not even because I do social media marketing on a freelance basis, and hence burn myself out on surfing Facebook (I do it under a different account than my personal account, anyway). It’s because the atmosphere is turning me into the kind of negative, cynical, angry person I long ago left behind. I’ve been down that road. I have no intention of revisiting it. It’s not who I want to be. Perhaps it’s the…
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