Tag Archive: random musings

The clock is ticking. I’m going to die. Dammit.

Not too long ago, I was hanging with a good friend a mine. It was the usual hanging out thing, which in my world means sitting on your hemorrhoids, drinking beer, and talking bad about puppies. He’s 82. Christ! 82! I can’t even imagine what that is like (but I’m starting to be able to). Anyway, we’re having a beer and watching other friends do manual labor. As we relax, he tells me a story about a phone call his wife got. Their house got destroyed by Hurricane Sandy. It has since been rebuilt, but some dudes called or something and tried to get her to sign up for some bullshit I only half paid attention to (because that’s what friends do). Some kind of…
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5 Questions that should always be met with frothing incredulity

Look, if anyone asks you one of these questions, you ought to reconsider your relationship with them. Do you want butter on that corn muffin? Yes, of course I want butter on my goddamn corn muffin, do I look like a savage to you? This is so dumb I don’t even know where to start. Do you want cheese on your burger? The only people who should ever ask a question as stupid as this had better be people with fatal cheese allergies who just assume everyone else will die when they eat cheese, too, because CHEESE BELONGS ON EVERYTHING. Period. End of story. Another? Is that even a question? Of COURSE I want another! I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want another! Life is miserable! The future is…
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Your BEST project is always your next one

We abandon our children quickly. Quite quickly indeed. We conceive of them, nurture them, give birth to them, and set them out into the world … and then we turn our backs on them. It’s just one of those things we do. The project I’m always most excited about is the one I’m working on. The one I most want to talk about is the one still in the works. The best thing I’ve ever done? Still to come. Perpetually. Whatever I just did? Not that interested in it. Don’t really want to talk about it, usually don’t have much to say about it. I’m thinking of the NEXT thing. This is problematic, of course, because you’re supposed to promote your latest thing. You’re supposed…
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Twitter hashtags are (still) not news

A few weeks back, I ranted a bit about Twitter hashtags being mined for shitty “news” by shitty websites. It’s more than a pet peeve. Pet peeves are minor annoyances. This isn’t a minor annoyance. This is a form of Internet cancer. Today, thanks to the wonders of Farking, I came across a great blog post by someone whose Tweet became the “THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!” social media story of the day, a minor nothing that was turned into yet another misleading and false tale of Internet anger thanks to shitty news on shitty websites. You might remember a story from earlier in the year about a lipstick color that had people up in arms. This blogger saw a lipstick called “Underage Red,” Tweeted about…
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