Uncategorized

Why did I stop reading books?

After never being away from a book for more than a few days at a time my entire life, the last year has been devoid of finished books. What went wrong? If that sounds like the setup for a piece that is going to explore some interesting ideas about reading, let me spoil it for you: It’s not. I genuinely ran into a wall. Not for lack of trying. I read on a daily basis, often for work (research, etc.), and regularly for pleasure. I subscribe to a number of magazines — yes, print magazines are still a thing! — and have my face buried in text for at least a portion of every day. Actually finishing a book, however, has become near impossible, and…
Read more

Jason Dixon has a greener

Jason Dixon was the best artist in my 6th, 7th and 8th grade elementary school classes. He was that kid who just had it. He’d doodle these cartoon characters that got people crowded around his desk to admire them. While I made crude comic strips to entertain friends — “Step Off” was my big hit, and by “big hit” I mean it used to crack up my friend Abdul — Jason drew the shit out of stuff as easy as you or I pull up our pants in the morning. Cartoony characters, superheroes, kickass tanks and stuff. He was good. What he was not good at was blowing his nose. To this day, the thought of a snotty nose brings Jason and a jingle I…
Read more

Should you hire a freelance editor?

Self-publishing a book is a lot of work. Doing it right is a lot more work than doing a book the “legitimate” i.e. traditional way. (I’ve done both.) It’s a lot more work than most writers are willing to do, in fact. It sucks. And sadly, a great deal of self-published authors don’t do the work they should be doing. The number of shoddy, poorly-written, error-filled hackfests on self-pub services are legion. Were they to develop a unified mind they’d form a giant cube and hassle the United Federation of Planets, but alas, they are mostly like me: dudes and ladies who don’t want to lift shit for a living. Which is fine, really. I do it, and by “it” I mean I don’t lift…
Read more

10 things you could do with those Powerball winnings

The Powerball lottery is up to like $43.74 or something like that, a huge amount of money that is sure to ruin the life of anyone who wins it. Whoever wins is probably going to be dead within 10 years, absolutely miserable, will have their entire family ruined, and will raise another generation or two of entitled assholes. I bought five tickets. But this isn’t about me, it’s about YOU. It’s about the amazing things you can do if you win. Here are 10 great ideas: 1) You could buy every single kitten in the pet shop and give them to children in need or put them in the garbage disposal one by one. 2) You could set up a grant at your old elementary school that rewards…
Read more

David Bowie was my first concert. Here’s what happened

David Bowie was my first concert. I was 16 years old. My girlfriend at the time, Candice, was an angry blonde with a gigantic pear-shaped ass and a tendency to pick fights with older guys, assuming that I would then step in and defend her honor, because of course she did. My father was going to drive us to the show, but two weeks prior he took his own life, so my step-mother drove us instead. The ride to the show was awkward. Candice and my step-mother didn’t get along very well. Nobody got along with Candice, really. But those two especially didn’t get along because my step-mother was racist, and Candice was Russian. (You had to be there.) We got pretty stoned before the…
Read more